Why Is My Child Still Struggling After Weight Restoration?
Weight Restoration Isn’t the Finish Line
For many parents, the relief that comes with weight restoration is immediate. Their child is no longer medically compromised, appointments may slow down, and on the outside, things seem better. But then something unexpected happens, behaviors resurface, emotions become intense again, or progress seems to stall. You start to wonder “If they’re weight-restored, why are we still struggling?”
The answer lies in an important distinction that’s often misunderstood: weight restoration is just the beginning of eating disorder recovery, not the end. While physical healing is a crucial first step, mental and emotional recovery takes longer and follows a different, often less visible, trajectory. In this post, we’ll explore why lingering struggles after weight restoration are not only common but expected, and how you can support your child through the deeper work of healing.
What Does Weight Restoration Actually Mean?
Weight restoration refers to bringing the body back to a healthy, individualized weight range after malnutrition. This is often the primary goal in the early stages of treatment, especially in cases of anorexia or avoidant restrictive intake disorder (ARFID). It helps stabilize vital signs, re-regulate hunger and fullness cues, support cognitive functioning, and restart menstruation or other halted body functions. But here's the catch: just because the body is physically stable doesn’t mean the brain is fully recovered.
Mental Recovery Takes Longer Than Physical Recovery
The brain takes time to heal from starvation or chronic restriction. Even after weight is restored, many individuals continue to struggle internally. Obsessive thoughts about food or body image may persist, along with rigid thinking patterns, perfectionism, and a fear of weight gain or losing control. Some experience emotional numbing, while others feel more heightened distress. Compulsions or rituals around meals may still be present, even if they're less visible. In some cases, the eating disorder becomes more covert during this phase—less obvious in behavior, but still intense internally. Your child might look "fine" on the outside but still feel far from okay on the inside.
The Emotional Work of Recovery Begins After Weight Gain
Once basic nourishment is in place, your child is better equipped—mentally and physically—to begin the deeper therapeutic work of recovery. This is when they can start processing underlying issues like trauma, anxiety, or depression, and begin building skills for distress tolerance and emotional regulation. With more mental clarity, they’re also able to reconnect with their identity, values, and relationships outside the eating disorder. Many begin facing fears that were previously avoided through restriction, bingeing, or purging. This phase often brings new waves of distress, resistance, or confusion, and it can catch parents off guard, especially if things seem to be improving. But in reality, this is when recovery starts to get real, and meaningful.
Signs That Your Child Is Still Struggling Post-Weight Restoration
Just because your child is following their meal plan or has reached a stable weight doesn’t necessarily mean the eating disorder has resolved. Many kids continue to struggle internally, even when outward progress appears steady. You might notice signs like rigid thinking around food choices or adherence to strict “rules,” emotional meltdowns over small changes in routine, or secretive behaviors such as eating alone. Other red flags can include frequent negative body talk, mirror-checking, heightened anxiety or irritability, social withdrawal, or a sudden decline in academic performance. Recovery is more than the absence of visible symptoms, it’s about developing flexibility, trust, and emotional self-awareness. And these deeper shifts take time.
What Parents Can Do When Progress Feels Stalled
If your child is weight-restored but still struggling, it doesn’t mean treatment failed—it means recovery is entering a deeper, more complex phase. Here’s how you can support your child (and yourself) through it:
1. Validate That This Phase Is Hard
This isn’t backtracking—it’s the emotional work rising to the surface. You might say:
“I know this feels confusing now that your weight is stable, but it makes sense that there’s still healing left to do.”
“You’ve done so much hard work already. We’ll keep taking this one step at a time.”
Validation helps your child feel less alone and less ashamed of ongoing struggles.
2. Stay Involved with the Treatment Team
Even if things look better, this is not the time to pull back on therapy, nutrition, or psychiatry. Consider asking:
Are we addressing the psychological components of the eating disorder?
Do we need to shift therapy modalities now that nutritional restoration is complete?
Is my child struggling with emotional avoidance or unresolved trauma?
Sometimes a pivot—like incorporating DBT for emotion regulation or trauma-focused work—can help move things forward.
3. Focus on Functioning, Not Just Eating
Is your child:
Enjoying social time again?
Participating in hobbies or interests?
Able to tolerate discomfort without using food behaviors?
Thinking flexibly about their body, food, and routine?
These markers often tell you more than the number on the scale.
4. Look at the Environment
Sometimes, a weight-restored teen is still surrounded by:
Peer diet talk or pressure to look a certain way
Coaches or teachers who unknowingly reinforce disordered thinking
Social media content that glamorizes “healthy” eating or thinness
Assess what needs to shift in the home, school, or digital environment to support full recovery, not just weight restoration.
Common Myths About Weight Restoration and Recovery
Even well-meaning parents, educators, and providers can unknowingly fall into misconceptions about what it means to be “recovered.” If your child has reached a medically healthy weight but still seems stuck, it’s worth unpacking some of the most common myths that can block further progress.
Myth #1: “If They’re Weight-Restored, They Must Be Recovered.”
This is the most pervasive—and misleading—myth. While weight restoration is essential for medical stabilization, it is not the finish line. Many kids and teens still:
Obsess over food, calories, or exercise
Avoid social eating or fear certain foods
Experience intrusive thoughts about their body
Struggle with anxiety, depression, or perfectionism
Think of weight restoration as opening the door to deeper healing—not closing the case.
Myth #2: “If They’re No Longer Using Behaviors, They’re Fine.”
Behavioral progress matters—but it doesn’t tell the full story. Some kids learn to suppress symptoms without addressing the emotions or beliefs driving them. Others “white-knuckle” their way through meals while still feeling miserable inside.
Ask yourself: Is my child coping, or are they thriving? True recovery includes emotional regulation, flexibility, and a return to life outside the eating disorder.
Myth #3: “They’re Just Being Difficult or Lazy.”
Parents often feel confused or frustrated when their child seems oppositional, unmotivated, or withdrawn after weight gain. But these behaviors are rarely about defiance.
Instead, they often signal:
Lingering depression
Fear of losing the eating disorder “identity”
Difficulty tolerating discomfort without the old coping tools
Your child isn’t trying to make things harder. They’re likely still hurting, and unsure how to express it.
Myth #4: “We Don’t Need Therapy Anymore Now That They’re Eating.”
Nutrition is only one piece of the puzzle. Psychotherapy helps address:
Emotional avoidance and self-criticism
Traumatic experiences or relational wounds
Cognitive distortions about food, body, or worth
Identity development outside the eating disorder
Ending therapy too soon can interrupt critical work that’s just beginning.
How to Reframe Recovery for the Long Haul
When your child has reached a healthy weight and is no longer engaging in the most dangerous eating disorder behaviors, it’s natural to feel a sense of relief and think, “We made it.” And in many ways, you have made incredible progress. But this stage of recovery often brings a new set of questions: Why is my child still so anxious? Why do they continue to avoid certain foods or social situations? Why do small changes still trigger such big emotional reactions? This is the point where recovery begins to shift from short-term survival to long-term, sustainable healing—and supporting your child through this phase requires a new mindset, one that prioritizes emotional flexibility, resilience, and self-compassion over perfection or quick fixes.
1. Focus on Emotional Flexibility, Not Just Food Compliance
In early recovery, getting enough food in is the priority. But long-term recovery depends on how your child relates to food, not just what or how much they eat.
For example, can your child:
Tolerate unplanned meals or snacks?
Eat socially without excessive stress?
Choose variety instead of sticking to rigid “safe” foods?
If not, it doesn’t mean they’re failing. It just means they’ve hit a new edge in their recovery journey—and that edge deserves support, not pressure.
2. Recognize That the ED Served a Purpose—And Leave Space for What Comes Next
Even if the eating disorder was harmful, it may have given your child something they didn’t know how to get elsewhere: a sense of control, identity, or emotional numbing.
As they let go of the eating disorder, your child may feel lost or raw. This is normal. Recovery is not just subtraction—it’s also about rebuilding. That includes:
Developing coping skills beyond food or body control
Exploring identity beyond “the sick one” or “the athlete”
Building friendships and interests not defined by the illness
Therapy, peer support, and safe spaces to explore these questions can make a big difference here.
3. Rebuild Trust—in Their Body, and in Themselves
Your child may still feel disconnected from their body or struggle to interpret hunger, fullness, or fatigue. They may also doubt their ability to manage feelings without old behaviors.
Encourage gentle reconnection:
Mindful movement that’s not about “burning calories”
Sensory grounding tools for anxiety
Journaling or creative expression
Body-neutral language and modeling from the family
Over time, these small steps help rebuild the internal trust that eating disorders so often erode.
4. Let Progress Be Nonlinear
Just like early recovery, this phase won’t be a straight line. There may be good days followed by setbacks. That’s not failure—it’s part of how the brain rewires and adapts.
Try shifting from “Are we there yet?” to “What’s helping us move forward?” Small wins—like trying a new food, opening up in therapy, or handling a trigger with less distress—are worth celebrating.
When to Worry: Signs That More Support May Be Needed
Setbacks are a normal part of eating disorder recovery, especially in mid to late stages. But sometimes, what looks like a bump in the road may actually be a sign that deeper intervention is needed. If old behaviors like restriction, purging, bingeing, or food rituals begin to reemerge—even in subtle ways—it’s worth checking in with the treatment team. You might notice your child skipping meals, eating in secret, expressing renewed guilt after eating, or becoming preoccupied with calories, body checking, or avoiding foods they were previously comfortable with. These behaviors don’t have to be severe to be concerning, and addressing them early is often key to preventing a more significant relapse.
You may also see emotional changes that suggest your child is struggling beneath the surface. Increased irritability, emotional shutdown, sleep disturbances, or avoidance of difficult conversations can be signs of overwhelm. While not always directly tied to the eating disorder, they may reflect untreated distress or a nervous system still on high alert. Similarly, if your child continues to fixate on their appearance, avoids mirrors or photos, or refuses to wear appropriately sized clothing, it could point to unresolved body image distress that deserves more attention.
Sometimes, co-occurring conditions like anxiety, depression, OCD, or trauma symptoms become more prominent, or stop responding to current treatment strategies. If your child seems stuck, it may be time to consider a different therapy modality or bring in a psychiatric provider for additional support. Finally, keep an eye on how engaged your child is with recovery overall. Some resistance is normal, but ongoing disengagement—like skipping therapy, refusing to use coping tools, or expressing hopelessness—can signal burnout or fear that needs to be addressed. In these moments, a shift in treatment planning, new peer supports, or increased structure may be needed to help them reconnect with the recovery process.
How Parents Can Stay Steady (Even When It’s Unclear What’s Next)
Supporting a child through eating disorder recovery can feel like trying to navigate a mountain in the fog. You don’t always know where you are, how far you’ve come, or how long it will take to reach the top. In these moments—especially when progress feels murky—your steadiness matters more than certainty.
One of the most grounding things you can do is focus on the process rather than the timeline. It’s natural to wonder when your child will feel better, but recovery rarely unfolds on a predictable schedule. Instead, try asking: Are we noticing any signs of growth, even if they’re small? Are setbacks being acknowledged and addressed with support? Is my child slowly developing awareness and emotional tools? Progress might look like fewer arguments at dinner, a moment of flexibility around food, or one less panic attack than the month before. These shifts matter, even if they don’t come in the order you expected.
Consistency is another powerful tool. Your steady presence—even when your child is irritable, withdrawn, or resistant—can provide a crucial sense of stability. You don’t have to say the perfect thing or have all the answers. Simply showing up, without fixing or giving up, creates safety. It tells your child: I’m still here. You’re not alone.
And while you’re holding space for them, don’t forget to hold space for yourself. Ask for support when you need it, and take it when it’s offered. Whether that’s a therapist, a trusted friend, a parent support group, or professional guidance, you deserve care, too. Parental burnout is real, and your wellbeing has a ripple effect. Taking care of yourself isn’t just self-preservation—it’s part of the recovery ecosystem.
Lastly, remember to celebrate the wins. They may feel small in the moment, but they’re proof that your child is reclaiming life. The first unprompted snack request, a spark of laughter after a long stretch of numbness, or a shift from “I can’t” to “I’ll try”—these are the moments that deserve to be noticed. They’re not just milestones; they’re reminders that healing is happening, even when the path is hard to see.
It’s hard to know if recovery is “working” when you’re still in the middle of it. But you don’t need total clarity to keep going. You just need enough perspective to see that this is a process—and that the path forward is built one brave step at a time.
If you’re feeling unsure, stuck, or exhausted, you’re not alone. Join our free Facebook group, The Parent Support Network for Eating Disorder Recovery, to connect with other parents who understand the ups and downs of this journey. Support is here. And you’re doing better than you think.