5 Things Parents Wish They Knew Sooner About Eating Disorder Recovery

When your child is diagnosed with an eating disorder, your world shifts. Suddenly, your days are filled with appointments, fear, uncertainty, and a thousand unanswered questions. For many parents, it feels like entering an entirely new world—with a steep learning curve and very few clear directions.

In this post, we’re sharing the insights so many parents say they wish they had earlier. Whether you're just beginning the journey or already in the thick of recovery, our hope is that these reflections help you feel more prepared, less alone, and better equipped to support your child.

1. Recovery Isn’t Just About Food or Weight

Many parents begin recovery assuming that the goal is to get their child to eat “normally” again or restore lost weight. While these are important steps, they’re just the beginning. One of the most important parent tips for eating disorder recovery is understanding that food and weight are surface-level symptoms of much deeper struggles.

What recovery actually includes:

• Emotional regulation

• Rewiring thought patterns around food, control, and self-worth

• Building distress tolerance and self-compassion

• Reducing behaviors like restriction, bingeing, purging, or overexercising

• Healing from trauma, anxiety, or perfectionism

• Reconnecting with life outside the eating disorder

In fact, some of the biggest signs of progress happen after food intake normalizes. Your child might begin expressing emotions more freely, reflecting on their values, or showing interest in relationships and hobbies again.

This shift in mindset is one of the most powerful tools parents can adopt: Recovery is not about getting back to how things were. It’s about building a new, more resilient relationship with food, the body, and life itself.

2. Progress Doesn’t Always Look Like Progress

One of the most confusing parts of eating disorder recovery is that progress can look like struggle. In fact, one of the top parent tips for eating disorder recovery is to reframe how you define success—because sometimes, the signs that treatment is working don’t look like what you’d expect.

When eating disorder behaviors are interrupted—especially in the early stages—emotions tend to spike. Your child might become more anxious, more withdrawn, more resistant to eating, or more combative. This doesn’t mean the treatment is making things worse. It often means the eating disorder is losing control—and fighting back.

Examples of “messy progress” include:

• More emotional outbursts during or after meals

• Regression in independence, sleep, or school performance

• Heightened body image distress or shame

• Increased clinginess, reassurance-seeking, or meal refusal

• Pushing boundaries or testing your consistency

If you’ve been wondering how to know if eating disorder treatment is working, remember that emotional discomfort is often a sign that your child is being stretched toward growth. They are facing the very fears the eating disorder helped them avoid—fear of discomfort, change, uncertainty, and letting go of control.

This phase is deeply taxing for parents, but temporary. As your child’s brain and body begin to stabilize, you may notice that their flexibility, emotional regulation, and social engagement gradually return.

3. Your Relationship Might Feel Strained—That’s Normal

One of the most painful surprises for many parents is how drastically their relationship with their child can change during recovery. You might go from being the trusted go-to person to feeling like the enemy almost overnight. For some families, it’s the first time a once-affectionate teen becomes defiant, withdrawn, or even hostile. For others, it might be a younger child who becomes rigid, anxious, or emotionally volatile.

It’s important to remember: this isn’t personal. It’s the eating disorder.

Eating disorders thrive in secrecy and control. When parents step in to supervise meals, limit harmful behaviors, or implement structure, it can feel to your child like you’re “taking away” their coping strategy. The distress they’re experiencing may be externalized toward you—not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you’re doing something right.

This doesn’t mean:

• You’re failing as a parent

• Your relationship is permanently damaged

• Your child no longer trusts or loves you

It means you’re entering a phase of recovery where your presence and boundaries are challenging the eating disorder’s grip.

So, what helps when the relationship feels strained?

• Validate first, then redirect. Use statements like:
  “I know this feels impossible right now. I hear how upset you are.”
  “You don’t have to like this meal plan. You just have to eat it, and I’ll be right here with you.”

• Remain steady in your role. The more consistent and emotionally neutral you can be, the more safety you provide. That doesn’t mean emotionless—but it does mean showing up with calm, grounded energy when possible.

• Seek your own support. Many parents find that talking with a therapist or connecting with others in support groups helps them stay regulated and less reactive. This is one of the most effective parent tips for eating disorder recovery: take care of yourself, so you can show up for your child with clarity and compassion.

One thing to know about eating disorder treatment is that relationship strain is expected, not abnormal. But with time, patience, and ongoing connection, many families report that their bond becomes even stronger than before—because they’ve walked through something incredibly hard, together.

4. It’s Okay to Grieve

When your child is diagnosed with an eating disorder, it’s not just their life that changes—your world shifts, too. The routines, expectations, and hopes you held may suddenly feel fragile or out of reach. And yet, parents are rarely told that grief is a normal and valid part of the recovery process.

Grief doesn’t just show up after a loss—it shows up in transitions. And recovery, especially in the early stages, is full of transitions: the loss of normalcy, the disruption of everyday routines, the temporary pause on social events or school activities, and the emotional rollercoaster of seeing your child struggle in ways you can’t immediately fix.

As a parent, you might grieve:

• The version of your child you knew before the illness

• A sense of safety or predictability in daily life

• Time lost to medical appointments, meal supervision, or emotional crises

• The ease of family meals and carefree outings

• The vision you had for your child’s future—at least for now

You might even grieve things that feel “selfish” to name—like the freedom to work uninterrupted, the ability to travel, or the lightness that once defined your home.

But here’s what we want you to know: this grief doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent.

So many parents tell us later that they wish someone had told them: “It’s okay to feel this way. You’re not a bad parent for feeling exhausted, resentful, or heartbroken. You’re a parent in crisis, doing the best you can.”

Grief and hope can coexist. You can grieve the hard parts of this journey and still be committed to helping your child recover from an eating disorder. In fact, making room for your own emotional process is one of the most powerful ways to stay present in theirs.

Some gentle ideas for moving through this grief:

• Give it language. Write a letter to your child, your partner, or even yourself. Speak the words you’ve been holding inside.

• Name the losses, and name the love. Often the things we grieve the most are tied to what we care about deeply.

• Talk to someone. Whether it’s a therapist, friend, or fellow parent in a support group, your story deserves to be heard.

The grief won’t last forever. But acknowledging it can lighten the weight you’re carrying—and give you more strength for the road ahead.

5. Your Child’s Body May Change—And That’s Okay

One of the hardest parts of eating disorder recovery for many parents isn’t just the emotional outbursts or the endless logistics—it’s witnessing their child’s body change, especially when that change includes weight gain.

Even if you understand intellectually that your child needs to restore weight for medical reasons, emotionally, this process can bring up a lot of complicated feelings. And that’s normal. Especially if you grew up surrounded by diet culture, or have your own body image history, watching your child’s body change can stir up fear, confusion, or even grief.

Here’s what’s important to know:

• Weight gain is not optional in recovery. For kids who are undernourished—whether visibly or not—adequate nourishment and body restoration are essential to brain health, emotional stability, and long-term healing. The brain cannot function fully without consistent energy intake, and the longer it remains underfed, the harder recovery becomes.

• Bodies don’t all recover to the same size. Some kids may gain back lost weight. Others may gain beyond their previous size as their body finds its healthiest, most stable point. These changes are not signs of failure—they’re signs of healing.

• You don’t have to love it to support it. It’s okay if the weight gain feels hard to witness. It’s okay if you’re wrestling with old beliefs or internal discomfort. The key is to notice those reactions without letting them shape your parenting choices.

If you’ve ever wondered: What if my child gains too much? What if they’re uncomfortable in their new body? What if other people judge them?—you’re not alone. These are questions nearly every parent asks during recovery. But the more important question is:

What does my child need to feel safe, nourished, and well?

Here are a few things that can help you support body changes during recovery:

• Avoid comments on weight, size, or appearance—even “positive” ones. Saying “You look so healthy!” might seem kind, but can feel like a coded reference to weight gain for someone in recovery.

• Focus on function, not form. Instead of “You look better,” try “You seem to have more energy,” or “I’m proud of how you’re showing up for yourself.”

• Work through your own body image reactions in safe spaces. Talk to a therapist, support group, or trusted friend. You don’t need to carry this alone—but your child shouldn’t be the one managing your discomfort.

This is one of the most powerful parent tips for eating disorder recovery: Your child’s healing matters more than anyone’s opinion—including your own inner critic.

And here’s the truth most parents wish they’d heard sooner: Your child’s healthy body might look different from what you expected—and that’s not just okay, it’s necessary.

Healing means letting go of rigid body ideals—yours and theirs. It means making room for the body that supports their life, not the one that meets a cultural standard. And when you model body acceptance (even imperfectly), you give your child permission to do the same.

There’s a lot to learn, but soon you’ll be an expert

Eating disorder recovery is hard—sometimes overwhelmingly so. But you are not powerless in the face of this illness. In fact, you’re one of the most powerful forces in your child’s healing. You are their fiercest advocate, greatest support, and most consistent source of care. No professional, no treatment protocol, no textbook can replace the steady presence of a parent who refuses to give up.

That doesn’t mean you have to do it perfectly. You don’t need to know all the answers. You don’t need to have it all figured out by week two or even year two. You just need to keep showing up—with curiosity, compassion, and the willingness to learn as you go.

If you’re feeling lost, that’s okay. If you’re exhausted, scared, or unsure what to do next, you’re not alone. Every parent on this path has faced moments of doubt and fear. What matters is not whether you get it right every time—but that you keep trying. That you listen. That you repair when things get hard. That you sit with your child in their pain without rushing to fix it.

You don’t have to walk ten steps ahead of them. You just have to walk with them.

And when it gets too heavy to carry alone, please remember: there’s help. There’s a community of other parents who’ve been exactly where you are. There are professionals who can guide you. There are people who understand what it means to be the calm in the storm.

Healing takes time. Progress can be slow and nonlinear. But recovery is absolutely possible—for your child and for your family.

If you’re looking for support, connection, and real-world guidance, we invite you to join our free Facebook group: The Parent Support Network for Eating Disorder Recovery. It’s a compassionate space where you can ask questions, learn alongside others, and remind yourself that you don’t have to do this alone.

You’re doing more than you think. And we’re here to help you keep going.